It’s time to become a little selfish with your heart and time.

One of the major things that a toxic relationship erodes is a healthy sense of oneself. You might not know how or who to be without the other person, without the drama, pain and especially those good moments in between.

Thoughts like “he/she is not perfect, but I’m not perfect either”, “I deserve this” are major driving factors. After all, if you were “perfect” or “deserved better” you wouldn’t be in this situation or relationship. Right?

Wrong.

Once the relationship ends (even if this is the 100th break up) these six tips will help you navigate the aftermath.

1. It is okay, and important, to grieve

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. Grief is just love with no place to go.” – Jamie Anderson. It’s okay to let yourself miss the good times and positive aspects of the person.

2. Get yourself an outlet

You might need to process what happened outside of your own thoughts. This can take the form of writing letters to your ex that you will never send, talking to someone you trust, writing down your feelings or simply talking to the person you were once upon a time.

3. Reflect on the person

Reflect on the person and the relationship and see if there is a pattern with your relationships. Often we date similar people in different bodies. This will help you understand your own dating patterns and traits.

4. Protect yourself

Following the break up your emotions will be overwhelming. You need to remove yourself from situations that can make them worse. This includes cutting off communication everywhere. Honour that need to get away from them.

5. Miss them

Missing them is natural especially since they have been a major part of your life. It does not mean, however, that you are healed or that you need to get back together or that everything has been fixed.

6. Ask for boundaries

Let the people around you know what you need and what you won’t tolerate about the situation. Ask your friends or family not to mention them. Ask for space from anyone and anything you feel uncomfortable and intensely about during this time.

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